


drive

by kirstenlauren



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Flashbacks, M/M, Roadtrip, Slow Burn, as always, high school!au, i really love tags, mentions of alcohol and underage drinking, ok, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-17 17:09:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4674701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirstenlauren/pseuds/kirstenlauren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Best friends since middle school, Connor's leaving, and maybe, just maybe, they're a little bit more than friends?</p>
            </blockquote>





	drive

**Author's Note:**

> Titles and lyrics are from Drive by Halsey. Listen as you read!

**_my hands wrapped around your stick shift_ **

It’s the night before Connor leaves forever. It’s the night before everything changes.

 

Connor is leaving to a university across the country, where he received a baseball scholarship. He had to take it. Of course, he did. Connor’s eyes showed how much he didn’t want to. But he was leaving, no matter what. Jude wasn’t going to let him miss this opportunity.

 

They’re just driving. They’ve been driving for over an hour now, with no destination. Jude doesn’t have a car yet so Connor let him drive his own.

 

Tension filled the air. Tension saturated the air around Connor and Jude ever since he found out about the scholarship six months ago.

**_swerving on the 405, I can never keep my eyes off this_ **

When Jude met Connor back in the seventh grade, he knew. He just knew. That kid right that, that dark blonde kid with the goofy smile and big heart. _That’s my person._

 

Connor was by his side for everything: his adoption, his silence, his coming out, his first break up. Everything.

 

Jude was also there for everything: Connor’s first girlfriend, his fights with his dad, his baseball games, his second girlfriend, his drunken nights when he would play with Jude’s fingers and look up at him as if he was everything he had ever wanted, his third girlfriend.

 

And Jude was so in love, of course he was. Jude knew this from that time Connor let him have his PSP. He knew this from that time Connor supported him by painting his own fingernails. He knew this from all those times Connor was the first to stand up for him whenever any of the jocks mocked him.

 

But he shoved those feelings down. Way, way down. He knew better. Sometimes he would even forget those feelings were still there. Sometimes.

 

**_my neck, the feeling of your soft lips_ **

****

**_illuminated in the light, bouncing off the exit signs I missed_ **

One time at a party last year, Connor dragged Jude to come along.

 

“Maybe you’ll meet a guy,” he said.

 

Jude watched as Connor downed one shot, two shots, three shots. Jude watched as Connor tried to set him up with some random guy. Connor had tried, he really did. The guy was great. They might’ve had a chance.

 

But then Connor was dancing with a girl. He was dancing with the girl but he was staring. Staring right at him. He didn’t look away when Jude met his eyes. He didn’t look away when the girl started kissing his neck.

 

But Jude said nothing. Did nothing.

 

Later that night, Jude was making out with that guy (what even was his name?) in a random bedroom upstairs and his mind was bouncing with images of Connor.

****

**_all we do is drive_ **

****

“I broke up with her today,” Connor said, breaking the silence and disrupting Jude’s thoughts.

****

**_all we do is think about the feelings that we hide_ **

****

**_all we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign_ **

****

Jude looked over at him and Connor was gazing at him. Eyes wide and twinkling. He said nothing else but his eyes held so many words.

 

Here’s the sign. Here it is. Take it, take it, take it.

****

**_sick and full of pride_ **

****

“Oh?” And the spell was broken.

 

Connor turned to look out the window, shoulders slumping, of what, of disappointment? “Yeah. Long distance just seems too hard, yeah?”

****

**_all we do is drive_ **

****

“Yeah, probably,” Jude said. He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel in nervousness, in anticipation.

 

Connor nodded.

****

**_and California never felt like home to me_ **

****

**_and California never felt like home_ **

****

**_and California never felt like home to me_ **

****

“Remember that time when we got lost trying to find our classes on the first day of high school?” Connor asked. “And so we just gave up and skipped the whole day?”

 

“Of course I remember. We went to the beach,” Jude said. “I always think about that day. Mostly because I’m scarred from how much trouble I got in when my moms found out,” he said, winking over at Connor with a smile playing at his lips.

****

**_until I had you on the open road and now we’re singing_ **

****

Connor laughed and placed his hand over Jude’s that was resting on the center console.

 

He squeezed Jude’s hand and rubbed his thumb against his fingers. The small gesture reminded Jude of when Connor used to do this when he was drunk.

 

Connor would call him at one in the morning. “Can you come pick me up?” he would ask after a party.

 

Jude did (of course he did) and Connor would spend the whole ride home playing with his fingers.

 

Jude still said nothing. Did nothing.

****

**_your laugh, echoes down the hallway_ **

****

**_carves into my hollow chest, spreads over the emptiness_ **

****

But this time, Connor wasn’t drunk. But maybe it is just casual. It’s just Connor, after all. Just Connor. Just Connor, that was laughable. Connor was Connor. Just Connor was impossible.

****

**_it’s bliss_ **

****

“Everything’s going to be different now,” Jude sighed, breaking the silence. They were now parked in the driveway of his house.

****

**_it’s so simple but we can’t stay_ **

****

“Yeah,” Connor said.

 

“You’ll come back to visit, right?” Jude said. His voice cracked just a little bit.

 

Connor looked over at him, with the same twinkling eyes from earlier. “Of course I will.”

 

“Good. Good because…”

****

**_overanalyze again, would it really kill you if we kissed_ **

****

This is it. This is it. This is it.

 

Connor leaned over and kissed him. He hoped it said everything that he never said. He hoped it said every apology, every “I love you” that he never said. But oh, he wanted to. He wanted to.

 

“I love you, I love you, I’m sorry,” Connor whispered in between kisses.

 

His hands gripped the sides of Jude’s face and his stomach was hurting from leaning over the center console. Jude’s hands fell to Connor’s waist. He’d like to think it was one of those perfect kisses like in the movies but their teeth clanked and there was probably too much tongue but this was it, this was it, this was it and it was perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! As always, any feedback is appreciated! Come talk to me on Tumblr: thiojames.tumblr.com!  
> So far, this is only a one-shot but I'm open to writing more whenever I get inspired!


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